5years ago,I got this book from a friend.It was about “the true meaning of love. Even though I understood the concept, I guess it wasn’t enough because I couldn’t relate with it.  Maybe, if I had connected the book with living, some mistakes wouldn’t have been made. Just maybe.

Love is a strong feeling of affection and sexual attraction for someone.                                                           Oxford Dictionary

I know this is the go-to definition for most people. There’s a high usage of the word”feelings”.We all feel. Mildly or strongly, negatively or positively,our emotions are always there. But not for long.

 I feel so sad one minute and then the next,it’s gone,thats emotion.The euphoria of sex is an emotion.But I believe that there sure are moments when libido is low and euphoria is MIA,even for the most sexually responsive. Now,that’s the problem with feelings. Feelings are ephemeral,coming and going as they like. They are trickish and illusive. Which is why feelings alone can never make a lasting relationship. 

Feelings are  temporary emotions by the unconscious mind that have a consequent physical effect.                       Anonymous

Aristotle,the great philosopher,described women of the middle ages as ” impulsive,compassionate and mischievous”. The 21st century woman doesn’t fall far from this description.Being “impulsive”means we are more in sync with emotion than reason. As with those women of the regency era, we still have that “knight in shinning armour coming to our rescue” fantasy.You are probably shaking your head and saying “surely not me” but aren’t there occasions when a guy approaches you with intentions of dating and because he’s so hot or stinkingly rich, you’ve already done the marriage thingy in your head? You even add the very lovely babies and romantic vacations to St.Barth or Dubai. And there’s no way you are forgetting the luxury accomodations,the Gucci and Versace life or the doting and loving Mr Knight is going to shower on you. (No shame,I done did that too.)

Hello Alice, back to reality. While it’s not unusual for you to travel to wonderland as often as you like,I hope you don’t mince it with reality. That you are attracted to a person doesn’t signify love.Look very  closely at the Knight. Can he really live up to your fantasies? Situations and individual response to the environment affect feelings. Feelings change,so do human beings.

Forget that he is the most handsome in the whole world. Forget that he’s the richest. Make yourself forget how sexy and badass he seems. I know its tough but babes you have to forget all those butterflies in your tummy. Force those your jelly knees back to shape. 

Now look at him. He has finished reciting his romantic manifesto,hasn’t he? You know he’s just telling you all you wish to hear,right?(sometimes,you hear what you want regardless of what he says too). Stripped of all his superficious qualities, you find that he’s really a noble man with true intentions. But, is he who you would rationally pick to be your partner? Would you still want him after he has completely satisfied your sexual yearnings?You are attracted to him now,but does he deserve you? Would you still go on with him if he loses his badass vibe or wealth?Are you sure your feelings ain’t fraudy?

The Ultimate question is “what does love mean to you”? 

 Love is a practice developed where there’s truth,trust and respect.   Adrian Catron on The Philosophy of Love.

Good thing about feeling is that its sustainable. Love is the build up of positive emotions(feelings).You might have feelings for a person who’s not deserving of them. Rationally, you would know the feelings are not worth pursuing. But atimes,we fall into this portal of self deceit that most often than not dump us on the other side of our surreal imaginations and mind tricks. That’s the point where we begin to question ourselves.The point we realize how much of a puppet we are in the hands of our feelings. At that point, we begin to modify our definition of love.

At the sight of another male that matches our new definition, fraudy feelings sets in. And we get duped. Again.

Love is imperfect. Like every long-lasting entity,love requires work. Like an innocent little baby, love needs care and patience. Love as happiness, is a by-product of everyday life. It is beyond sexual longing. It is more than feelings of attraction. Neither is it the same with all the estrogen or dopamine of this world. It is a journey. And it surely isn’t what Hollywood depicts it to be. 

Feelings shouldn’t be the foundation on which love is built. There should be trust,respect and commitment. What you feel now, isn’t enough.  But it bears the potential of that kind of love that lasts forever. All you need to do is to take charge and define the love you need,so you don’t get duped

What is Love to you?